


Pics or It Didn't Happen

by lovetheblazer



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Banter, Fluff, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Hedwig on Broadway, M/M, Texting, crisscolfer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 07:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3760453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetheblazer/pseuds/lovetheblazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>@NayaRivera: I love being on group texts with my Glee family. Always makes me smile.</p>
<p>@DarrenCriss: @NayaRivera yeah me too... When I'm in them... [quiet, pathetic sobs to myself]</p>
<p>Darren is determined to be in the next Glee group text. Naturally, he enlists Chris' help. Text fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pics or It Didn't Happen

**Author's Note:**

> TW: References to sexting and sexual innuendo.

Darren: Chris.

Chris: Darren.

Darren: Did you know about this Glee group text situation? Because if so we're in a fight.

Chris: ...what?

Darren: <https://twitter.com/NayaRivera/status/588814295783198720>

Chris: Oh, no. Guess I didn't make the cut either?

Darren: Are you lying to save my feelings?

Chris: Since when have I ever cared about your feelings? ;)

Darren: Excuse you. We're so in a fight.

Chris: Oh no, however will I cope?

Darren: Wow.

Chris: I'm just kidding...

Chris: Don't be sad *pets* there there

Darren: I'm not Brian. Or Cooper.

Chris: True, because I'm pretty sure you like being petted even more than Brian. 

Darren: I mean...

Chris: You're a cuddle whore. It's common knowledge.

Darren: Just one of my many charms? Besides, I've never heard you complain.

Chris: That's because I'm the best boyfriend ever.

Darren: If you really were the best boyfriend ever, I would have been in the Glee group text.

Chris: You mean the one that I was also not involved in and had absolutely zero knowledge of?

Darren: A likely story...

Chris: You're right, if I wanted to be the best boyfriend ever, I would have learned to read minds by now. I'll get right on my training to be a psychic.

Darren: You could always ask your Twitter buddy Theresa from Long Island Medium for a few pointers.

Chris: It might be a little hard to explain my sudden desire for psychic training to her in 140 characters or less.

Darren: You'll work it out. You're smart like that.

Darren: Okay, break time's over. Gotta get back to rehearsal.

Chris: Go work those heels and fishnets like the pro that you are.

Darren: Oh, you know I will ;)

Chris: Pics or it didn't happen.

Darren: imsexyandiknowit.jpg

Chris: Dork. But damn, A+ on the legs. I'll have to congratulate your mom on her genes the next time I see her.

Darren: Oh, these legs? 100% inherited from my dad. You'd never know it because he doesn't wear shorts very often, but just wait until you see him in a bathing suit at the beach this summer. You'll barely be able to keep it in your pants.

Chris: You're such a weirdo.

Darren: Yeah, but I'm your weirdo.

Chris: True.

Darren: Okay, before I go, consider this your final warning that if there's another Glee group text, I expect to be involved. Otherwise, there will be consequences. 

Chris: *rolls eyes* I'll see what I can do. No promises, but I'll try. Now don't you have some sugar daddy to seduce?

Darren: Baby, you're the only sugar daddy I'll ever need.

* * *

Darren: So are you having fun talking to Naya and Amber and Chord and Lea etc. without me? *pouts*

Chris: Darren, for the love of god, there is no Glee group text happening without you right now. We don't sit around all day coming up with elaborate ways to leave you out. Are you honestly this insecure?

Darren: No.

Darren: By which I mean yes. Possibly.

Chris: Are you going to text me every single day to check and see if there's a Glee group text going on without you?

Darren: Uhh... I can neither confirm or deny that.

Chris: Oh man, it's going to be a long week.

Chris: Ease my pain by recording a snippet of you singing something from Hedwig?

Darren: Which song?

Chris: Midnight Radio?

Darren: I can do that. You're lucky that I love you.

Chris: And you're lucky that I tolerate you.

Darren: Hey now!

Chris: Love you too. Go sing pretty.

* * *

Darren: Good morning.

Darren: Hmm, why aren't my texts going through?

Darren: Did you turn off your phone so you wouldn't have to put up with me bugging you about the group text situation?

Darren: Because all that will make me do is text you even harder.

Darren: I can't be tamed.

Darren: [sings] Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention

Darren: Like I'm under inspection

Darren: I always get a ten 'cause I'm built like that

Darren: I go through guys like money flying out the hands

Darren: They try to change me but they realize they can't

Darren: And every tomorrow is a day I never plan

Darren: If you're gonna be my man, understand

Darren: I can't be taaaaaaaaaamed

Chris: Umm, hi?

Chris: ...why are you texting me Miley Cyrus lyrics? It's way too early for this shit.

Darren: Early? Please, I've been up for hours. Rise and shine, sleepyhead!

Chris: That's because of this little thing called an east coast vs. west coast time difference. You know, the thing that makes it three hours earlier here?

Darren: Oh, right.

Darren: I keep forgetting about that.

Chris: No kidding.

Darren: Sorry, allow me to start over. How'd you sleep?

Chris: Not enough. I was up late last night making edits on TLOS.

Darren: That's no good. I'd bring you coffee if I could. Or a Diet Coke.

Chris: You know I have at least two cases of DC in my fridge at all times.

Darren: You have two cases of Darren Criss in your fridge right now? Man, you sure are lucky.

Chris: I hate you.

Darren: I know, that's why you didn't invite me to the group text this morning.

Chris: I'm hanging up on you.

Chris: Or whatever the text equivalent of that is.

Darren: Spoilsport :P

* * *

Darren: Hi.

Chris: Hi. There is no Glee group text happening. Please go back to your previously scheduled rehearsal activities.

Darren: How did you know that I wasn't just texting you to talk? Maybe I just missed you?

Chris: Is that why you're texting me?

Darren: One of the reasons, yeah.

Chris: I'm changing my number. Or blocking you. Possibly both.

Darren: Please, you wouldn't last a day without me texting you naughty Hedwig selfies. You'd melt into a pool of sexual frustration on the floor otherwise.

Chris: It's only been a few weeks since I last saw you in person. I'm not THAT horny.

Darren: Well, I am. And speaking of horny...

Chris: We're not sexting at 10 AM, Darren. Besides, I'm getting ready to head out for a meeting.

Darren: A sexy meeting?

Chris: Yes, because implying that a meeting about the audio version of a children's book is supposed to be sexy isn't creepy at all.

Darren: Boo, you're no fun today :(

Chris: I'll text you when I get back home, okay?

Darren: And then we can have “fun” right?

Chris: If you're a really good boy while I'm gone, possibly.

Darren: Tease.

Chris: Perv.

* * *

Darren: Hi, I'm back to be annoying again. Another day, another missed opportunity to bond with my former Glee costars *sighs a lot*

_To: Heather, Naya, Lea, Mark, Chord, Jenna, Kevin, Amber, Becca, Harry, Dianna_

Chris: Hey, so Darren literally won't shut up about how he wants to be invited to the next Glee group text. He's convinced that he's the only one being left out of the bonding times. Can you humor him? Because otherwise I literally might have to hop a plane to NYC just so I can throttle him.

Amber: That boy is a nut! We love him though.

Dianna: Omg, I'm laughing.

Heather: Naya, this is all your fault. I told you not to tweet anything!

Naya: Geez, I didn't think Darren would be so sensitive.

Chris: Bless you all. You're saving me from going insane. Okay, I'm going to add him to the group chat now.

Chris: Darren is having a nostalgia boner about Glee being over again. Must be a day that ends in Y. Indulge him, won't you, friends?

Mark: Hey pretty lady!

Darren: That's mama to you, Mark ;)

Chord: Dude, did you have to shave your eyebrows off? I bet you look hilarious without them.

Darren: Nah, they just go over them with a glue stick a million times and then cover them up with a bunch of concealer.

Kevin: I didn't think that would work on super-powered eyebrows like yours. I'm impressed.

Chris: You should show them the pic you sent me last night, Darren ;)

Darren: Uhhh, I don't know about that. I don't think they'd want to see quite that much of me.

Naya: Were you pervs sexting again?

Heather: Because we'd totally want to see that, if so.

Jenna: Speak for yourself! I got all the eyeful of Darren's ass I'll ever need when we had to do the Gaga vs. Katy Perry episode.

Becca: Oh god, that outfit was RIDIC.

Lea: I watched that number the other day and I was seriously on the floor I was laughing so hard.

Chord: Pretty sure Darren had to keep tucking his balls back in.

Darren: How did this turn from let's be nostalgic about good times on set to everyone discussing my balls?

Chris: Hey, you asked for it, buddy!

Amber: ...I get back from the bathroom and suddenly everyone is talking about Darren's ass and balls. Obviously I missed something.

Harry: Just a typical day in Glee-land, right?

Kevin: Clearly.

Chris: Are you going to show them the pic or not?

Mark: [chants] DO IT DO IT DO IT

Darren: Fine.

Darren: lemmeworkit.jpg

Lea: Damn. Since when are your legs better than mine? I don't know if I should be proud or jealous!

Dianna: Those heels are fierce. I want to borrow them.

Darren: Something tells me they probably aren't your size. And thanks, Lea :)

Mark: *whistles* Work it, Mama.

Harry: Can't wait to see you live on opening night! It's going to be a blast.

Darren: Wait, you're coming?

Chord: Duh, we all are.

Kevin: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Jenna: Like you even have to ask, silly.

Darren: Guys, I'm honored. Truly. And hopefully I won't make a complete fool out of myself. I wish I could stay and chat longer but I've got to get back to rehearsal. This was fun though. We should definitely do it more often.

Amber: Agreed :)

Naya: I'm totally down. And I promise next time I won't forget about you or Chris.

Naya: Assuming you two can keep it in your pants and behave.

Chris: Hey! I'll have you know we're perfectly respectable when we're around other people.

Darren: Usually.

Chord: Uhh, I seem to remember this one party where you both got a little frisky?

Darren: Chord, you said you'd never speak of that day. You were sworn to secrecy. I even bribed you with fifty bucks.

Chord: Yep, and I told you my silence doesn't come cheap. Next time you should cough up at least $100.

Darren: Duly noted. Okay, back to work for me. Bye everyone!

* * *

Darren: Thank you. Just, thank you.

Chris: You're welcome. Feeling better?

Darren: Yeah, much better. It's just been kinda lonely here in NYC. I honestly didn't know everyone was coming for opening night either.

Darren: I may have had a little cry in the bathroom after I heard that.

Chris: Aww, really? I don't know why you'd be surprised. That's what families do. They support each other.


End file.
